How to Avoid a Cheater-Watch for these 5 Red Flags

By Alex Rock

Cheaters are out there, hunting and preying on innocent hopefuls looking for love – many of whom unknowingly walk around with bulls-eyes on their backs. We’d like to expose (and help you expose) cheaters by pointing out several hard-to-miss warning signs, and discuss the critical tools on how to handle and discard them – assuming you are someone who considers cheating a deal-breaker.

Regardless of how stealthy a cheater believes they are, they will – eventually – unveil themselves; the key is to avoid the pain and anger of being a cheater’s victim by proactively recognizing certain signals beforehand. One shouldn’t be paranoid to the point of being unable to trust; however, one should always be observant. When entering any new relationship or as you become more and more attached to the new man or woman in your life, there are a few red flags that can potentially signal that you're dealing with a cheater.

Of course, as always, there are exceptions, but when you see multiple and repeated signs, it's time to start considering the reality of your situation.

If you want to avoid being hurt by a cheater and save yourself before things get too intimate, keep an eye out for the following criteria:

1. A Cheater has Many “Friends” of the Opposite Sex

Cheaters are insecure by nature – they’re either confused about what they’re really looking for in a partner or can’t decide what direction they want their life to move in. They’re the type of people who are never satisfied – people who always see greener grass on the other side and can’t make a decision. This being said, cheaters try to keep as many possible potential partners around (even if under the false pretense of them being “friends”) so that they never have to face the fear of running out of options. For example, a male cheater typically strings along ex-girlfriends and considers them his “good friends”, who he just so happens to have sex with.

2. A Cheater is Overly Private, and Shows No Signs of Eventually “Opening-Up”

We all know that it is important for both parties in a relationship to spend a certain amount of time apart; however, one’s suspicion should be aroused if their partner seems reluctant or irritated by questions about how they’ve spent their time. If a partner is dismissive or elusive regarding simple and appropriate (not interrogative) questions, they are likely making a conscious effort to avoid exposing behaviors they know wouldn’t be approved of – and quite often, those behaviors involve cheating (whether emotional or sexual).

3. A Cheater Cancels Plans, and Never Feels Reliable

Cheaters are, after all, fitting those with whom they are cheating into a subdivision of their “real” – or in some other cases — “other” life; either way, they tend to always have “a lot going on” and will often drop plans with you at the drop of a hat. Why? Because they’ve likely come up with something (or someone) “better to do”.

4. A Cheater Leaves Evidence

Have you ever been to your new guy’s place, and noticed that pair of studded earrings – the ones “his sister” supposedly left behind when she came over for dinner? Have you ever noticed a second toothbrush in his holder, and realized you’ve never used it? Have you ever noticed a particular upscale brand of shampoo in his shower that you know he wouldn’t have spent money on himself? Have you ever looked for your shoes under his bed and noticed a not-dusty-enough bra that’s two sizes larger than your own? These are the types of signs that should never be ignored or unquestioned. Chances are, unless he just broke up with his long-term girlfriend a few weeks ago, someone else has been in his bed – and bathroom – since you’ve known him.

5. A Cheater Has to Watch His Clock and Calendar

Have you ever been with someone who wants to have drinks at 8pm on a Wednesday? Someone who texts you to “watch a movie” on a Tuesday? A sure sign of a cheater is that they are reserving their real free time (weekends, holidays, etc.) for the people or things that really matter to him. I can guarantee that if he doesn’t include you in the latter key “free” times, he's spending them with someone else he deems more important. If you suggest doing something with his friends on, let’s say, Memorial Day weekend or the 4th of July, but he’s suddenly “out of town with family”, you may want to consider the possibility that he is a cheater.

When all is said and done: whenever entering a new relationship or relishing in the excitement of a new dating partner, take a moment and ask yourself if this person fits one or more of the criteria listed above. Remember that of course, there are always exceptions, but it's important that you remove yourself from your own emotional high and reconnect with your own good logic and most importantly, your intuition. Although it’s easy to ignore certain signs, you’ll spare yourself worse pain in the long run if you acknowledge and address them head-on, before you’re emotionally invested, and therefore, emotionally harmed by a cheater.

By Alex Rock from helps people find happiness after heartbreak. If you’ve been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven’t been able to find happiness in your love life, is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Read more helpful articles like this one at

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