I am convinced that 99.9% of the time a break-up is actually a positive life event, YES, you heard me correct. In fact, I would like to say that most often a break-up is actually a life transforming break-thru! I’m not trying to say they are easy to go through. As humans they can be the most traumatic and devastating of events while you’re going through it. You may go through all the worst feelings from self-doubt and humiliation, to financial loss and every other emotion that runs the gamut of sadness. But, as my grandmother always said ‘time heals all wounds’ and I have yet to meet anyway, who after time has not come out stronger and happier in the long run from a break-up, whether it was a 25 year marriage or a whirlwind romance. Once you start to live and love again, you will see that you can learn a lot from a break up, all of which will benefit you in future relationships to come.
Here are my top 3 tips to make that break up a break-thru event in your life:
1. Dissect why the relationship didn’t work. This is not a blame game. Make a list focusing on the things that didn’t work. You can make this list general or specific, it could range from differing values and communications, to condescending comments or different interests. Then be aware of that moving forward. For example, if you felt like you were always the inferior one in the relationship seeking attention, make sure in your next relationship your partner treats you like an equal and pays you the attention you deserve.
2. Be in ICU. Treat yourself like you’re in intensive care after a break up. Nurture yourself. Re-Learn about yourself. I always encourage people to take up a new hobby, something they didn’t have time for when they were in their relationship. You may want to try therapy. I think some of the best therapy of coarse is exercise, if you need a fresh start, a boost of confidence and a tight and toned new physique, sign up for a class, hit the gym or hire a personal trainer. There is no better way to work on yourself mentally and physically! Bottom line, be coachable and help yourself recover. You’ll have more clarity after!
3. Get your Flirt ON! After you have wallowed in your sorrow, it’s time to wake up and put on an outfit that makes you feel sexy and attractive. Walk down the street proud, stand taller, smile at everyone you encounter (you’ll be surprised at how much this small gesture changes your day and the way people respond to you). And go ahead, get out there and start dating! I’m telling you, GO on AS MANY DATES AS YOU CAN. Go out with the blonde bookworm from Starbucks. Take your colleague up on the drinks offer. Ask that hottie from the gym to drinks. Going on dates will not only help you forget about your ex, but it will help you get an ego boost from someone who is genuinely interested in you! So as much as you’re hurting right now, force yourself to take me up on the three tips above and turn your break up into a break-thru! You will learn about yourself, your past relationship, and will win over new opportunities in the process. And when someone asks you how you’re doing post-break up, tell them it was a break-thru!